Expanding Sexuality:
Therapy for Polyamory and Ethical Non-monogamy
There is more than one way to be fulfilled in your relationships.
Counseling for Non-monogamous Couples | Therapy for Polyamorous Couples |
Monogamish Relationship Counseling | THERAPY FOR CONSENSUAL NON-MONOGAMY |
Sex Therapy For Individuals Interested In Alternative Relationship Arrangements
Are You Considering Consensual Non-Monogamy or Another Alternative Relationship Structure?
Whether you are living in monogamy and questioning your satisfaction with a single romantic relationship or you are experienced in polyamorous relationships and seeking support in your current or new ones, we can create that space together.
The choices you make for your relationship dynamics among consenting parties are to be celebrated, no matter where you are on your less-traveled path away from monogamy.
Within relationships, there are many opportunities for meaningful intimate connections.
There isn’t one right way to form a relationship
What is Polyamory?
Polyamory, sometimes also referred to as consensual non-monogamy, is the practice of being a part of or open to multiple consensual intimate relationships. While polyamorous relationships can take many shapes, there is one constant that is non-negotiable: everyone involved is aware of the existence of your additional relationships.
The emphasis in polyamory falls on respectful and consensual engagement in your intimate relationships, no matter the arrangement and whether or not those partners are involved with one another.
While consent is the non-negotiable constant, much of non-monogamy is flexible and available for adjustment within the scope of each of your individualized dynamics.
No two relationships will follow the same rules, preferences, or format in the way they’re developed. Just like a monogamous relationship, polyamory will be unique to yourself and your partner(s) as you communicate and adjust to meet one another’s needs.
Therapy For When You’re Questioning
Could Polyamory be what you’re looking for?
When you’ve lived a life in which monogamy is expected, expanding to the possibility of consensual nonmonogamy can feel overwhelming. If you are working through the curiosity and concern of what a life with multiple romantic and sexual relationships may look like, a safe space can help you process that work.
If you are looking for ways to broach the topic with your current partner or explore your self-driven limitations, it can be scary to do that on your own.
With personalized support, clinicians from our team bring experience to the table that will allow you to engage with the excitement and possibility of expanding your intimate sphere alongside the worries and fears of doing so.
Therapy For When You’re Expanding
If you’re already engaged in a Consensual non-monogamous dynamic:
Even if you feel confident in the shape of your intimate relationships, it’s normal to feel like some additional support is the answer to questions you’re not quite sure how to ask. Whether you’re considering adding new partners, have recently done so, or just want to walk through this stage of intimacy with the support of a counselor, we’re here for you.
Reworking your arrangement or re-negotiating boundaries can feel overwhelming even for someone who enthusiastically engages in their non-monogamous relationships.
Just because you are familiar with and advocate for polyamory does not make you less worthy of needing time and creating space to nurture your own needs in those relationships.
at-a-glance glossary of polyamorous terms
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This is the person with whom a polyamorous person shares most of their life or considers to be their highest priority. This partner may be their spouse or just the person with whom they feel most closely aligned. A secondary partner is a member of all other relationships that may be of equal value but differently prioritized time or legal elements.
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This term describes a couple who engage in a romantic relationship with only the other partner but have consenting engagements with other partners. Through the development and communication of clear guidelines, these relationships may take many shapes but tend to focus on a single partnered relationship with more temporary or restricted outside sexual experiences.
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This term describes brief sexual encounters that expressly permit ongoing relationships or emotional attachment. While monogamish may allow swinging under its umbrella, there is a clear distinction between non-monogamy and the swinging lifestyle.
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The practice of marriage with multiple partners who are often not, but could be, involved with one another. This branches into other gendered terms that may be familiar from pop culture: polygyny (a woman with multiple husbands) and polyandry (a husband with multiple wives).
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The partner of one of your partners with whom you are not romantically or sexually involved.
Ethics and Intimacy
If you are considering or living a polyamorous lifestyle, you are not a glutton, a cheater, or any other derogatory term often applied to these complex relationship styles that are misunderstood by many.
There seems to be a pervasive belief that engaging in multiple romantic relationships is a quick and easy way to duck the respect and responsibility of having a loyal partnership, but that is distinctly not the case. Polyamory & non-monogamy each create space to explore multiple relationships while honoring the boundaries within each.
Choosing to have intimate partnerships with more than one person does not negate the duty to honor and respect those relationships and it is not an effort to avoid hard work. Working with your partners to develop the parameters of your relationship is hard work, and you are choosing love in abundance alongside doing that work.
There is cheating in non-monogamy
Just because you are comfortable with multiple relationships for yourself and your partners, doesn’t mean it’s not possible to cheat. Non-monogamous dynamics rely on—and thrive because of—clear consent and boundaries. When cheating occurs in these dynamics, it can be even more painful and difficult to process, given the inherent openness they require.
Possible Emotional entanglements
Jealousy
Many monogamists can’t fathom feeling anything but jealousy at the thought of their partner feeling romantically or sexually fulfilled in other relationships alongside theirs. We are conditioned to feel jealousy and often that feeling is a consequence of social structure and not a reflection of our own emotional scope. Jealousy, or envy, is often an understandable, yet defensive reaction to feeling as if you are lacking in some way due to that satisfaction being found elsewhere.
Feeling jealousy is a natural state, and it’s not one to be ashamed of. Together, we can work through the process of feeling jealousy to cultivate healthy expressions of an uncomfortable emotion and avoid the damaging ways jealousy can influence behavior and relationships.
Compersion
While jealousy is completely normal and can be a healthy emotion to experience, so too is compersion—although it can be rather jarring at first. Feeling joy, contentment, or warmth at the thought or knowledge of your partner engaging in intimacy with another partner may feel alien. This is a positive sign of clear communication and aligned expectations, but perhaps you were only prepared to accept the experience rather than enjoy it. Positive emotions, when unexpected, can be just as unsettling as difficult negative ones.
The feeling of compersion is a less researched phenomenon, and often a very individual experience. Having the space to decipher your warm, fuzzy confusion without diminishing the joy is a valuable way to ensure you get to feel that joy wholly.
What we can explore together
As you navigate new boundaries and experiences in relationship dynamics, make the most of your polyamorous ponderings through a counseling relationship. Intimacy is deeply personal and may ask you to sit in some uncomfortable emotions that pull on trauma, resistance, or responses we aren’t expecting.
No matter where you are in your exploration of consensual non-monogamy, we would love to offer support as you guide yourself through the development of flourishing relationships.