4 Facts About Sex You Need To Know Today
Let’s talk about sex. Sexual desire, intimacy, and curiosity are integral to being human, yet conversations about what that means—or should mean—are pushed into recessed whispers of our lived experiences.
Let’s draw them out, explore them and talk about them. We’ve got four big truths to share with you today to revolutionize the way you think about (and have) sex.
#1 The frequency of sex isn’t everything
The internet is littered with ideas about how much sex you should be having in your relationship to keep your partner happy. The vague threats of consequence if you can’t (or don’t) meet these arbitrary requirements strike fear into the most loving and desiring partnerships.
Standardizing the sexual health of a relationship into quantity is a dangerous risk that has the potential to ruin the quality of your sex life. It can do irreparable damage to your body’s trust and confidence when that happens. The health of your relationship is not hinged on the amount of sex you have, or even related to your sex drive at all. It’s more important to have honest conversations about needs, boundaries, and desires than meeting a quota set by someone outside of your sexual relationship(s).
#2 You don’t have to love someone to want to have sex with them
Throw out whatever you’ve heard or read before because this hot take will change your whole perspective: Sexual desire is not inherently linked to emotional intimacy. There is no prerequisite for liking or loving someone before you find them sexually desirable. There’s also no guarantee that liking or loving someone will guarantee you find them sexually desirable.
The psychology of our sexuality is not intrinsically linked to our love and contentment in relationships. There is nothing wrong with you if you enjoy casual sex or embracing the exploration of your sexual identity with someone you aren’t partnered with.
While there is undoubtedly an obligation for respectful communication within established partnerships about your sexual interest, the reverse is not true without a conversation. You don’t owe someone your emotional intimacy just because you shared sexual intimacy, and it’s okay to create a boundary there when that feels best for you.
#3 Vibrant sex is still possible in long term relationships
Your sex life doesn’t have to drift into the forgotten corners of your past as your relationship moves into the confines of a comfortable routine. It may feel challenging to embrace adventure and keep sexual desire on top of your priorities lists as the pressure of everyday life piles up around you, but there are options.
Sex is a science of potential, and there’s more to it than the physical act. When life is busy, or energy is low, you can create space for intimacy and curiosity outside of the bedroom by engaging in fantasy and exploration together. Write letters to one another, have conversations about limits or desires you’ve never explored. Keep the concept of expanding your sexual expereinces at the top of your to-do list even when there’s no time to do the research. After all, the best hypothesis must be thoroughly explored before it’s tested.
#4 Wanting (or liking) sex doesn’t make you a bad person
And, for the final of our four, we’ve arrived at the most important thing you’ll read today. If you take one lesson away from this and carry it with you into your life, I hope it’s this one. Your sexual desire is not a moral failing. There is no morality attached to the concept of sex—not in wanting it, having it, or abstaining from it.
Sexual relationships are subjective experiences that occur between intimate partners. They are to be negotiated, navigated, and most importantly, adjusted to meet the needs of those people within it. No one’s opinion outside of the parties consenting to the sexual experience has any merit or weight on what you want, need, or do when you have sex. If you want sex, have it. If you crave sex, indulge it. If you feel sexually confident, own it. The only morality code that you must apply to your sexual experiences is one of consent and respect.
Sexuality is as much a part of the human experience as breathing, laughing, and growing. It is your human right to safely explore how you want to bring those interests into your world and your relationships when you’re ready.
Morality, frequency, and relationship are not prerequisites to your right to feel empowered in your body or how you use it. If you’re ready to dive deeper into the ideas of owning your sexuality, Resilience Counseling offers a variety of healthy sexual therapy experiences no matter your circumstances. We welcome you without judgment.