Unexpected Ways to Wholehearted Living
Are you craving more from your life but feel like you’ve already tried it all? What is the secret to wholehearted living, where you feel balanced and happy, instead of bored and listless? Maybe you’ve implemented a new workout routine or tried to spend more time with friends, but you continue to feel as though something is lacking.
Often we are given the advice to try something external to fix an internal ache that exists in us. But is that really what we need? Maybe living wholeheartedly isn’t about having the perfect routine or throwing new activities into our schedules. What if we began to meet ourselves where we are now instead of where we want to be?
Wholehearted living begins from the inside out and it may be time to take an honest inventory on how the relationship with yourself is going.
If you want to learn about this “Whole-hearted Living” thing, keep reading today’s blog to learn what you can do to build a life that feels balanced, stable in the face of adversity, and meaningful.
The 10 Guideposts to Whole-Hearted Living
Dr. Brené Brown—researcher, professor, author—has devoted her life to better understanding the human experiences of shame and the power of vulnerability as its antidote. Through her research, she began to notice the traits of people who embraced life and were connected to themselves and others, whom she called “whole-hearted” people.
Words that surfaced in the research to describe the lives of these individuals included: authenticity, creativity, rest, compassion, boundaries, worthiness, and joy, however, the primary thing different about these folks is that they believed they were worthy of love and belonging.
Her hunt to categorize what makes these individuals different inspired her to create the 10 Guideposts for Wholehearted Living to help others cultivate these attributes as well. The following are oversimplified versions of her guideposts. After all, she wrote a whole book on them!
1.Pursue Authenticity and Let Go of What Other People Think
Being authentic is the practice of showing your true self instead of what you think others expect or want from you. Embrace vulnerability despite the risk of not fitting into the mold others have built for you, or the expectations you hold for yourself.
What is something about yourself that you are proud of?
2. Cultivate Self-Compassion and Let Go of Perfectionism
Perfectionism breeds criticism and contempt for the self due to an internalized shame and intolerance towards mistakes (yours and others’). Choosing self-compassion instead keeps you rooted in your humanity and allows for you to see these failings as normal and grow through them.
When was a time that you “failed” that actually had a positive impact?
3. Nurture Your Resilient Spirit and Let Go of Numbing and Powerlessness
While numbing provides a short-term relief from difficult feelings and problems, it inevitably leads to a sense of powerlessness towards the challenges in your life. Resilience helps you overcome adversity through reflecting on your feelings, believing in your own power, and asking for help when it’s needed.
What feelings have you been avoiding?
4. Choose Gratitude and Joy and Let go of Scarcity & Fear of the Dark
Many people shy away from feeling joy because they are fearful that, once they let it in, this feeling will be stolen from them. Choosing gratitude instead is a pathway to experiencing the joy that is waiting to be found instead of buying into a scarcity mentality of it never being “enough”.
Think about a moment of true joy. Don’t let fear rob you of that memory.
5. Celebrate Your Intuition, Trust Faith, and Let Go of the Need for Certainty
It is impossible to control everything in life and many of your most meaningful decisions will be flooded with uncertainty. Trusting your intuition creates faith in yourself and an ability to accept and tolerate the unknown.
What pending decisions without certain outcomes can you let go of?
6. Lean Into Creativity and Let Go of Comparison
When we’re young, we are naturally able to creatively express ourselves. However, as we age, social pressures and comparing ourselves with others can block this ability. When these judgments are stripped of their power, you can reconnect to this creative muscle.
Creativity doesn’t just mean arts and crafts; how can you be flexible and innovative in solving challenges?
7. Make Room for Play and Rest, Let Go of Exhaustion as a Status Symbol & Productivity as Self-Worth
In our culture, productivity and results are connected to our identity and play or relaxation is often seen as a “luxury”. Many of us wear our busyness with pride, yet it erodes our ability to have a true sense of balance in our lives. Making time for something that has no purpose and is just fun can invigorate your life with energy and vitality.
What are you doing for fun? For play?
8. Schedule Time for Calm and Stillness and Let Go of Anxiety as a Lifestyle
Instead of adjusting your life to compensate for your anxiety through avoidance, begin to focus on ways to lessen the presence and power of anxiety. Making time to be calm and practice stillness are practices that help quiet the mind and create room for new perspectives.
Choose a time, right now, to set aside for rest and recovery. Start with 10 minutes without your phone, without technology, without distractions.
9. Encourage Meaningful Work and Let Go of Self-Doubt & “Supposed To”
This goes beyond your chosen career path and involves looking at how connected you feel to your gifts and talents. Are there ways you are engaging creatively? Are your strengths expressed in your work? Take out the thought of what you “should” be doing and tap into what you want to do and what makes you feel alive.
What is a “should” in your life now, that you can transition into a want? What are you doing for someone else’s benefit instead of your own?
10. Always Laugh, Sing, and Dance and Let Go of Cool & Always in Control
We so often fear looking awkward or weird in front of others that we shut ourselves off to our true selves. This is a betrayal of who we are and often restricts the freedom we give others to express themselves as well. Instead of trying to fit in, allow your authentic self to run free and experience some deep belly laughs.
Learn a TikTok dance with your kids, break out in that odd dance move from college, and lean into moments of levity.
Connecting to the Path of Transformation
After reading the 10 Guideposts, you still might be wondering where to even begin. You can begin to live this way by first holding up a mirror to observe yourself and your experiences. From there, it takes making a commitment to learning who you are, what you need, and what sustains you.
Brené Brown herself warns that wholehearted living is a daily practice, a moment-by-moment choice to engage intentionally in our lives, rather than wander through them aimlessly.
“Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It's about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.” -Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection.
Here are some helpful reminders as you begin to practice what it means to live wholeheartedly.
Building an Internal Connection - Many of these guideposts are centered around being your true self and tending to your needs. It is a common experience that people are unsure of who they really are, especially after years of letting people-pleasing and “shoulds” decide who you are. Wholehearted living is a practice of listening to your inner wisdom, and choosing to let that define you instead. Setting aside time for journaling and creating a mindfulness practice can be helpful assets with this discovery process.
There is No “End Point”- Living wholeheartedly is a lifelong journey where some days you may feel so in line with this goal and other days feel like you are not present at all. Know that this is not something you can “achieve” or a way you can feel everyday. Instead, experience the gratitude that each day is a new opportunity to learn and grow.
Embracing Our Humanity and Connection- In this journey, you will make mistakes and you will fail. This is not a bad thing! You are inherently human and taking risks and trying new things will result in getting knocked down every once and a while. This is what connects us all. It is from this place of vulnerability that we can begin to appreciate each other and our imperfect humanity.
The journey of wholehearted living invites you to explore the deeper parts of yourself including your fears and desires. This can be uncharted territory for many and it can be incredibly helpful to have a non-judgmental space to share and ask for help.
Resilience Counseling understands that in order to build reliance we enter the vulnerable place of ourselves. Reach out today if you are interested in taking steps towards this space.