What happens in sex therapy?
You’re feeling uncertain about your intimate relationships- you’re not sure if what you want and need is normal or how often those urges should arrive. Frustrations mount and build within those interactions, and it can feel really difficult to talk about the things you want to do differently, more often, or maybe less frequently. You’re unsure what needs to change, but you know that something just doesn’t feel right, and you’re curious about sex therapy: What does it mean? What happens there?
These are valid questions, and unfortunately, they’re ones that can feel incredibly difficult to ask in a culture where conversations about sex feel uncomfortable at best. So, let’s talk about sex therapy- what we can accomplish, what to expect and just how validating it can be to have support in empowering your relationship with your own sexuality from the inside out.
What is sex therapy?
Before we talk about what sex therapy is, I’d like to be very clear about what it isn’t. Sex therapy is not a space in which you will engage in sexual behavior of any kind. You will never be asked to witness, participate in or engage with sex acts during your sessions.
Sex therapy is a counseling space where you will be able to engage with a professional trained in a variety of sexual modalities and theories to reflect on your relationship with sex and your sexual identity. In sex therapy, you’ll work to identify spaces of restriction, discomfort, or frustration to find resolutions that help you feel empowered in your sexual identity.
In sex therapy, you’ll explore anything preventing you from having a fulfilling relationship with sex. These things may be related to health problems like erectile dysfunction, loss of arousal, decreased sexual desire, premature ejaculation, or pain during sex. Additionally, sex therapy can address emotional and trauma-based sexual experiences like recovering your agency over sex after an assault, familiarizing yourself with the things that make you feel aroused, and understanding desire and arousal cues. There is so much more to sex, and exploring those things in a safe environment with an educated professional can help you work through them.
During your session
There’s extensive variety in the format of sex therapy sessions, and, like many other forms of counseling, much of it will be tailored to your needs by way of your counselor’s unique expertise. Your sessions will seek to outline what’s causing you frustration or uncertainty and map a course of action to overcome those barriers in a way that makes you feel comfortable and confident.
Early sessions may consist of a lot of uncomfortable unraveling of your experiences and emotions around sex. It’s alright if having those conversations feels awkward- it won’t always. Becoming familiar with your relationship with not just sex but your body, your partners, and your arousal cues will be an empowering part of overcoming barriers in sex therapy.
Who can be a sex therapist?
Not just anyone. Becoming a sex therapist can happen across a variety of credentials, but the most sought-after one is issued by the AASECT. That organization requires an advanced degree, a high level of ongoing education, and a certain amount of experience in specifically sexual fields of therapy and counseling. A sex therapist is a specialized professional with a high degree of knowledge and rigorous standards that a sex therapist must meet to ensure a secure and safe relationship not just with clients like you but with sexuality as a whole.
Your sex therapist may be knowledgeable about sex and able to support you in overcoming past experiences or moving past difficult questions, but they are not a licensed medical professional. While your sessions will always be completely confidential, if your health comes into play, you may be encouraged to seek the support of a doctor to ensure you are healthy. Otherwise, sex therapy is entirely based on the counselor-client exchange of information to build a thriving confidence in your relationship with sex.
Talk about it
Sex and the way we engage with it is a vital and inherent part of the human experience. It feels counterintuitive to consider talking about something so often kept behind closed doors, but when you’re ready, talking about your map of sexual experiences can be an enlightening way to construct the future you hope for in your life. There is nothing wrong with openly and consensually discussing these things, particularly with someone who has been educated and can offer a research-backed viewpoint from which to support that journey.
There are entire organizations dedicated to building the study of human sexuality because sexual health is a vital part of human health. Sex therapy doesn’t start and end with the act of having sex. It encompasses our attitudes, emotions, and experiences with having sex, thinking about it, and talking about the things we think about. Offering yourself the freedom to discuss those things in a candid and confidential space can cultivate the communication skills (with yourself and with partners) that will re-shape your relationship with sex through your lifetime.
